Self Alignment

It’s interesting that some people are very much the same person during varied situations in life, while others seem to have versions of themselves that are heavily filtered depending on where they are or who they’re with. I have a lot of respect for people who have fewer filters, because that represents a kind of identity authenticity.

I mean, you could still be an authentic asshole, but that’s basically just a different flavor of ice cream.

If I had to try and self-evaluate, I’d say that there’s a good chunk of opinion that I keep to myself (although that wall wears thinner the older I get) and then a kind of cringey over-positive mask that I wear at work, reinforced by the fact that in my remote job, I communicate entirely on Zoom and don’t have real work relationships anymore. There’s also a layer of heavy introspective thought, artistic evaluation, philosophical world-framing — all that stuff that I find fascinating and that makes other peoples' eyes glaze over — this I’ve increasingly kept to myself the older I get. It’s why this blog exists now.

Another aspect of personal authenticity that’s interesting is how some exceptional people get the “asshole pass” because they are sheer forces of nature that change the world around them in meaningful ways. Steve Jobs is a really good example. You’re almost required to separate the work and the effect he had on the world from the person he was in life, because of the magnitude of the results. Yet, without that raw authenticity of self on display (wild as it was) he would not have been able to have the influence he did.

Is there a possibility of long-standing misalignment with the core version of ourselves, resulting in a life that’s incomplete or false, lacking some missed potential? Is deviation from the pure self rooted solely in avoidance of negative emotions like fear, pain or loneliness, and is letting that negativity go the key to realignment?

Filters are necessary for a functioning society, but at what point is the authenticity of self lost? Is being yourself more important than saving someone from the potentially sharp words you’re holding back?

Of course, the answer is complex, but at the end of the day, I still find myself rather simply pointing to certain people in the world around me and wishing I could be as much myself — in all moments of life — as they are.